Marriage

Marriage has been brought up a lot in conversation lately. I'm not sure why....because I am not any where near getting married. I don't even think I'm anywhere prepared to being married. Which is fine. I am very happy at where the Lord has me right now. I enjoy being single. I am so busy and don't really have time for a relationship. I hardly have time for the friends I do have.
Speaking of not having time for things, I seem to always fit in some time to watch TV/movies.
Watching FRIENDS gives me a time that I can just not think and laugh a lot. A few months ago I started at the beginning of the series (again) and I am currently in season 8. In the episode "The One with the Secret Closet" Chandler discovers that the door to the room by the balcony in he and Monica's apartment is locked. He obsesses the entire episode on getting the closet unlocked. And when he did... http://youtu.be/apvf4UihPd8

The fact that Chandler is willing to help Monica deal with her junk is incredibly sweet. For 27 years I have been trying to deal with my own junk and I can never seem to grasp that the Lord is there to help me with that. When I eventually get married, it will also be something that my husband is there for...and I for him. Honestly, that KINDA terrifies me. Because I have gotten REALLY good at hiding my junk from other people. This is also, I realize, not healthy at ALL. That's something the Lord has been working with me lately. More on that to come later.

Looking a little more at the whole marriage bit, here are a few awesome articles that I have read lately. The first is one a friend tagged me in on Facebook about how it matters who you marry, which I've always believed, directed towards Christian gals: http://thechristianpundit.org/2012/08/15/it/
The second is an article, written by the husband of the woman who wrote the other one, directed towards guys: http://thechristianpundit.org/2012/09/12/guys-it-matters-whom-you-marry-too/

Both are equally awesome, true, and definitely worth a read.

Until next time people...

AMC

Anxious

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4: 6-7

As many times as I've read and memorized and been reminded of this particular passage, you would have thought that I have actually learned it by now. If it were only that easy...oh, the disadvantages of being a human.

I'm particularly anxious about grad school tonight. I haven't blogged in a while, have I? I started graduate school this past August and it's a year-long program. It's crazy...and that's saying it nicely. I've already finished 3 classes and am in the midst of taking 4. At the same time, I might add. The advantage of being in a year-long program is that I'll be finished at the end of this July. The disadvantage is that I'm stressed out most of the time. It's a great program and I'm learning a lot, but I still have not learned how to not procrastinate. I think I've learned sometimes, but it never actually sinks in. I'm not sure if I'm just too stubborn, or if it's simply the human thing again.

But back to my anxiety...

Right now, I think, my struggle is with my worth. Having to write papers constantly has made me more critical of myself. That sounds like a good thing, but I'm not sure if it is. I had a paper due tonight and while I was doing a final read-over, I began to question everything I had been writing over the past few days. I just kept thinking to myself, "this is horrible" "this is NOT what she's going to want" "I'm going to make an awful grade and be super embarrassed because I'm stupid". It got so bad that I finally just had to submit it.

"No mortal comprehends its worth; it cannot be found in the land of the living" Job 28:13

"Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than sparrows." Luke 12:7

Why am I constantly consumed with how the world views my worth over how my SAVIOR views my worth?

So the conclusion I came to while I was driving home?
I suck.
I completely suck.
I fall so short.
CONSTANTLY. Every minute of every hour of every day.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

I don't even think this really makes sense how I wrote it. But the Lord knows my heart. He knows me better than I know myself. I just needed to write something that I wasn't going to overthink and overanalyze.

Lord, I'm asking for your help. I ask you to forgive me for telling you I didn't need your help and that I think I can do things on my own. Without you, I don't know how I could function.

So much change.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
 ¹ There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:
 ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace



I have blogged about this verse more times than I can remember.
Since I have been constantly reminded about this verse for the past 4 years, you would think that I would have no issue with change.
Change, it's true, is uncomfortable, but growing up in a military family, you would think that I would have come more accustomed to it.
Wrong-o.
I'm more open to change, I think, because of my background, but I still get thrown for a loop each time.
There are so many major changes happening in my life this year. I have several friends getting married this year: 2 weddings have already happened and there are at least 5 to come, the latest in October. Friends having babies. And that is all just in the personal circuit.
At work, as of July 1, I will be a one-woman office. The last time that happened, the girl only lasted 2 months...pray for me. Not only that, but we have new people coming in the next few weeks and some people leaving after 20 years. I know that "...in all things God works for the good of those how love him who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28) But, again, this doesn't make it easier.
With those people leaving at work comes added responsibility for me. Not only will I be basically doing the work of 2-3 people, but I will be the new adviser for BCM (Baptist Collegiate Ministries) on campus.
I think I'm more nervous about that than anything else. I'm not a good public speaker...I've never claimed to be, but I'm praying that God knows what He's doing (and I have not question that He does, I just wish I knew what it was).
Wow, that's a lot to lay on after not blogging for a little over a month, but I'm sure I will be doing this way more often since I will have so much more time on my hands (haha). And as I seek advice from whoever still reads this thing.
That being said, I really should get back to work.
Thank you for those still reading, I apologize for complaining so much...that's (yet) another thing I'm still working on. Thank you for being patient with me.
I pray the Lord blesses each of you in a special and powerful way.

In Him.....
~A

Hindarance

Defined by Dictionary.com as:
1. an impeding, stopping, preventing, or the like.
2. the state of being hindered.
3. a person or thing that hinders.

Ever believe something so much that you always thought it was what God had for you and not really realized it was your plan the WHOLE time? And been so convinced it was what God had in store for you??
For example, you thought you were only going to be in one place for a period of time and, therefore, did not bother to try to see what God had in store for you?

"From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each of us."
Acts 17:26-27

By my [unqualified] interpretation: Where we are is the best chance we have to seek him. And know him.

Growing up, I never stayed in one place for very long by nature of my Dad's job in the military. And I always swore that I would never do that to my children (when I had some).
I then decided it was a great thing: experiencing different cultures, meeting new people, just an overall wonderful experience I had.
In my mind I had already put off anything that would cause me to make permanent ties to Sumter (not like friendships, but, well I'll just say it, dating) (*side-note: there are not currently any prospects, I am just blogging).

I think that my desire to leave Sumter was clouding my vision so much that I have not been living to my full potential. I was taking the desires that God gave me (like starting a coffee shop) and saying that they could not happen right now because I was not going to stay in Sumter my whole life.
Because I knew starting a business would keep me here. I was putting limits on my God and, essentially, locking Him up in a convenient little box...all without REALLY realizing it.

I always here people complain "There's nothing to do in Sumter"...and that is true to an extent, just like it is true in about any other town of its size. And regardless of that being a true statement, or not, it shouldn't be hindering me from enjoying it while I'm here and living up to what God has in store for me here.

The hindrance was my own doing. And I have let it consume my outlook so much that I think I am missing out. (On what, I may not fully realize.)


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."
Proverbs 19:21


Lord, remind me over and over you are in control. Even when I want the control, and in my ignorant, human mind think I can handle anything without you.

Debating.

Should I bite the bullet and be a greeter at church even though I'm not as outgoing as everyone thinks I am?

Should I volunteer to work in the nursery even though I really don't want to?

Would this be considered one of those "fake it 'til you make it" kind of things?

Or would this be considered phariseeish?

Is there a happy medium, or am I allowing the devil to create doubt about this matter?

I don't want to feel like I was guilted into doing either of these and feel resentment.

If I join the greeting team, I would be able to get to know more people's names.

I guess that would be a good thing.

But, again, I don't want to feel like I was pressured into doing it and not liking the people that asked me.

Gah...I don't know. I guess I could try the greeting thing and see what happens.

The same can't really be said about the nursery.

Kids are great and all, but once I get on the rotation, it'll be harder and harder to stop helping out.

I guess I really just need to figure out what my intentions are.

I've been reading a lot lately about being intentional.

One of my new favorite blogs are the ones from Relevant Magazine.

One in particular titled "Being Single with Intentionality".

It's more than just the intentionality of being single, but just the intentionality of, well, being.

Living life to the fullest.

I'm also reading Francis Chan's "Crazy Love" book.

A particular section of on of the chapters really caught may attention:

"You could be the next person in your family to die. I could be the next person at my church to die. We have to realize it. We have to believe it enough that it changes how we live. A friend of mine has a particularly wise perspective on this subject. He was asked if he weren't spending too much of his time serving and giving too much away. His gentle but honest response was, "I wonder if you'll say that after we're dead." Friends, we need to stop living selfish lives, forgetful of our God. Our lives here are short, often unexpectedly so, and we can all stand to be reminded of it from time to time. ... in the movie of life, nothing matters except our King and God. Don't let yourself forget. Soak it in and keep remembering that it is true. He is everything."

At a memorial service for Robbie Martin on Saturday afternoon, I was again reminded of this.

Robbie was an amazing man of God.

I first met Robbie when I was in college at a Thursday Night BCM service.

He loved.

He always asked to pray with and for you.

He wanted everyone to know about the amazing God he served.

He was a very dear person to many people, myself included.

We laughed and cried when we heard all the "Robbie stories".

He lived. Man, did he live.

This reminded of part of a sermon that I heard at least 4 or 5 years ago:

"Live. And Live Well.

BREATHE. Breathe in and Breathe deeply.

Be PRESENT. Do not be past. Do not be future. Be now.

On a crystal clear, breezy 70 degree day, roll down the windows and FEEL the wind against your skin. Feel the warmth of the sun.

If you run, then allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to FREEZE your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE.

Get knee-deep in a novel and LOSE track of time.

If you bike, pedal HARD...and if you crash, then crash well.

Feel the SATISFACTION of a job well done--a paper well-written, a project throughly completed, a play well-performed.

If you must wipe the snot from your 3-year old's nose, don't be disgusted if the Kleenex didn't catch it all...because soon he'll be wiping his own.

If you've recently experienced loss, then GRIEVE. And Grieve well.

At the table with friends and family, LAUGH. If you're eating and laughing at the same time, then might as well laugh until you puke. And if you eat, then SMELL. The aromas are not impediments to your day. Steak on the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven.

And TASTE. Taste every ounce of flavor. Taste every ounce of friendship. Taste every ounce of Life.

Because-it-is-most-definitely-a-Gift."

All that to say that I want to start being more intentional.

And living life to the fullest.

And helping out where I can

And always seeing God's love and grace in every situation.

Debate over, decision made.

Dang it, what am I getting myself into.

The rest of the story...

Ok, so I posted a blog yesterday or day before about how God was dealing with me using Philippians 4:4-13, here's the rest of the story that I couldn't post then....

_____________

Sometimes I feel like God is leaving me out (kind of like when you get left out of playing a game when you're elementary school). It sucks.

Over the past weekend I had a friend get engaged, went to a good friend from college's bridal shower and found out a couple I've known since high school (that has been married for about 5 years) are having a baby. Don't get my wrong, I am SUPER happy for them and I don't want to sound like a bitter 'ole woman, even though I'm only 24, but it really sucks sometimes.

I know that God's plan is perfect, and that it'll all happen in His timing. I know that right now it is obviously God's best for me to be single and to draw closer to Him. But it still sucks a little.

I love my friends and I love the fact that God is blessing their lives with these things...it just sucks sometimes that it's not happened to me yet.

Philippians 4:4-13

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. I rejoice greatly in the lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

2 Corinthians 12:9

"he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"

______________

Dear God,

Thanks again for the Gibb's slap. I know I needed it.

Love, A

Gibb's Slapped.

Every feel like God is smacking you and saying (insert sarcastic, matter-of-fact voice) "HELLLLOO?!?!?" I always picture it as Gibb's slapping DiNozzo or McGee on NCIS....

Well, God's been dealing with me a lot lately about some stuff (that I can't really talk/blog about right now...but give it a couple days or weeks....)

Typically I have heard the below verses independent from one another (i.e. 6&7 together, 13 by itself, etc.), but I do not think I have ever heard it all together...[and by heard I do not mean Webster's definition of the word] I'm sure I have heard it all together before, but I don't think that I have ever really listened to it. You can hear something said over and over and over and over again, but not really understand the importance. The same way you can read the same thing over and over again and realize something new every time.

God's really be using this scripture to remind me that his plan is perfect and that what He has for me right now is His best for me.

Philippians 4

[4] "Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice!

[5] Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

[6] Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

[7] And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

[8] Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

[9] Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

[10] I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.

[11] I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

[12] I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

[13] I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

1 Peter 2:18-25

18Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. 19For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. 20But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. 21To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. 22"He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth." 23When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 24He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. 25For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

I won't go into detail, but this verse has really been kicking my butt lately. Especially when you look at it from the persepective of Employee/Employer instead of Slave/Master.

Lord give me the strength to honor you in all I do.