Just a tiny rant from the peanut gallery

I understand that God has me where I am for a reason...and, as I have told many people, I actually DO enjoy being single...

But, here's the thing: It is a very hard thing to keep in my head that this is what God has for me right now when (it seems) everyone around me has someone. And the people who have someone are married, married and having kids, engaged and planning a wedding, or just have someone to date and hang out with.

While I am happy for these people and glad that God has blessed them, it is very hard not to be a little jealous.

I put on a tough face and act like I'm 100% cool with it 100% of the time, but it is just that....a face.

It seems like this feeling flares up everyone once in a while...today was because one of my co-workers is planning her wedding. While I am very very excited for her, it just comes as a constant reminder that I do not have anyone. And, again, while I know that this is not a bad thing and God has intended for me to be single right now for a purpose, it is still kind of difficult.

It is also due to something else that happened today. There was a ladies conference today going on in Cola, so a bunch of us from work went...one of the speakers mentioned something about the days of going to college for a "MRS" degree. I guess that is always kind of what I had planned for my life. Go to college, get married, have kids. Again, while that is what happens for some people and is all well and good, that is not what God had planned for me.

I guess sometimes it's hard to just accept that what God has for us is different (and better) than what we had planned for ourselves. Even though we do not always see the BETTER part.

The other day I took a couple of my youth girls (who are seniors in high school) to visit a college. On the way back, one of the girls said to me, "Alicia, sometimes I wish I just knew which college God wanted me to go to." My reply was, "Well, He already knows which one you are going to pick, even if you don't. If He always just told us what He wanted, we wouldn't ever grow to trust Him and seek Him."

I guess as I am writing I realize that I was saying that to myself. Plus, if we always knew just what God had in store for us, life would be pretty dull and uninteresting.

He just keeps bringing up several passages of scripture that I have blogged about the past month or so...maybe one day I will actually get them...

Philippians 4:4-13
Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. I rejoice greatly in the lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Acts 17:26-27
From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each of us.

Hindarance

Defined by Dictionary.com as:
1. an impeding, stopping, preventing, or the like.
2. the state of being hindered.
3. a person or thing that hinders.

Ever believe something so much that you always thought it was what God had for you and not really realized it was your plan the WHOLE time? And been so convinced it was what God had in store for you??
For example, you thought you were only going to be in one place for a period of time and, therefore, did not bother to try to see what God had in store for you?

"From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each of us."
Acts 17:26-27

By my [unqualified] interpretation: Where we are is the best chance we have to seek him. And know him.

Growing up, I never stayed in one place for very long by nature of my Dad's job in the military. And I always swore that I would never do that to my children (when I had some).
I then decided it was a great thing: experiencing different cultures, meeting new people, just an overall wonderful experience I had.
In my mind I had already put off anything that would cause me to make permanent ties to Sumter (not like friendships, but, well I'll just say it, dating) (*side-note: there are not currently any prospects, I am just blogging).

I think that my desire to leave Sumter was clouding my vision so much that I have not been living to my full potential. I was taking the desires that God gave me (like starting a coffee shop) and saying that they could not happen right now because I was not going to stay in Sumter my whole life.
Because I knew starting a business would keep me here. I was putting limits on my God and, essentially, locking Him up in a convenient little box...all without REALLY realizing it.

I always here people complain "There's nothing to do in Sumter"...and that is true to an extent, just like it is true in about any other town of its size. And regardless of that being a true statement, or not, it shouldn't be hindering me from enjoying it while I'm here and living up to what God has in store for me here.

The hindrance was my own doing. And I have let it consume my outlook so much that I think I am missing out. (On what, I may not fully realize.)


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."
Proverbs 19:21


Lord, remind me over and over you are in control. Even when I want the control, and in my ignorant, human mind think I can handle anything without you.